Bachelor in Paradise Season 9, Episode 3 Recap: A Crappy Situation

(ABC/Craig Sjodin)

Welcome back to the beach! This week on Bachelor in Paradise, the power has flipped. The ladies will be giving out the roses, and the men will be at their mercy. Here’s everything that went down during Bachelor in Paradise Season 9, Episode 3!

Love is a wild ride

12 hours after surviving the first Rose Ceremony, the couples are feeling cozy together. But here comes trouble. Host Jesse Palmer greets Tanner Courtad at the top of the stairs. Tanner admits he is hoping to make a connection with either Kat Izzo or Jess Girod. Jesse arms him with a date card and sends him down to the beach.

When Tanner comes trotting down the stairs, the ladies greet him with huge smiles. Kat had his name on her list, so she’ll be happy he wants to meet her, too. The guys, though, are not so excited to welcome the competition. As Sean McLaughlin says, “We’re f*cked.”

Tanner wastes no time pulling Jess. Jess says Tanner was Number One on her list, so she’s thrilled he’s here. As they walk off to talk, he compliments her on her blue swimsuit.

“Thank you,” she says. “I was bloated today so I put a one-piece on.” You’re over-sharing there, Jess. TMI.

When Tanner pulls Kat, their main topic of conversation seems to be Brayden Bowers, who gave Kat his rose the night before. They agree that Brayden is a great guy.

But in the end, Tanner chooses Kat and asks if she’d like to go on the date with him. Hell, yeah, she would! She jumps up and walks off hand-in-hand with Tanner, without so much as a glance at Brayden. Yikes. That was cold.

So Kat and Tanner trot off to go horseback riding on the beach, while Brayden spends the rest of his day in a deep pit of depression. Is that a knit scarf he’s wearing? I realize he likes to make a bold fashion statement, but it’s about a thousand degrees and humid. Who wears a fuzzy scarf in Mexico?

Choose the person who lights you up Paul Archuleta/Getty Images

Despite Brayden’s spiraling, everyone else is “vibing” with their rose partner. Will Urena is happy he gave his rose to Mercedes Northrup last night. “There’s nothing you could do to ruin my day,” he declares happily. Oh, Will. It’s like saying the name of Voldemort. You just gave the producers the perfect opening to ruin your day.

‘Cause here comes Tyler Norris down the steps with a date card. He first pulls Rachel Recchia to chat, and then Jess, who again shares that she’s “bloated.” Come on, Jess. TMI.

Finally, he sits down with Mercedes, who fills him in on the couples scoop. She says that even though Will gave her a rose the night before, they’re both “very open” to exploring relationships with other people. Um, maybe you are, Mercedes. Will, not so much.

So of course, Tyler chooses Mercedes to take on his date. And again, without a backward glance at Will, she goes off hand-in-hand with Tyler. Poor Will.

“This dude has just been put through the wringer here,” Sean says. “At this point, any guy that comes into Paradise is gonna go on a date with Will’s girl.”

Kat dumps Brayden (surprise!) for Tanner Craig Sjodin/ABC via Getty Images

Finally, Kat and Tanner return from their date. At this point, I’m just noticing that the producers are having some fun with people’s name titles. As Sean talks about Brayden and Kat’s situation, his name title says, “Sean, Age 26, ‘Should Be Worried About His Own Relationship.’” LOL.

Brayden wants reassurance from Kat that everything is okay with them. Sadly, she basically tells him that she has a stronger connection with Tanner than she did with Brayden. At least she didn’t beat around the bush and told him straight up.

She says she just “listened to my feelings” and “you’d be a great person for someone else.” Okay, then. Good talk, and she walks back to the group.

Brayden is stunned that Kat was “warm one second” and then “just cold as ice.” He can’t make sense of it.

There’s just something wrong with Kat. For someone who works as a registered nurse, she seems to have a complete lack of empathy. She gets defensive and angry when anyone tries to get her to acknowledge another person’s feelings. Brayden tells Aaron Schwartzman that there was “no emotion at all in her voice” when she broke up with him.

“I just feel like I got played hardcore,” Brayden admits. You did, buddy. Move on and find someone who has some human emotions. BIP production sees what I see. At one point they showed her name title as reading, “Kat, Age 26, ‘Cold As Ice.’” You’ve got to pay attention with this show. It’s the little things that make you laugh.

Meanwhile, Tanner – whose name title says, “Tanner, Age 30, ‘Very Handsome’” – is wondering what he walked into. Ironically, he seems to have more empathy for Brayden’s feelings than Kat does.

Tyler and Mercedes’ Date Craig Sjodin/ABC via Getty Images

Over at the Vidanta Resort in Nueva Vallarta, Tyler and Mercedes are walking to dinner when they see a shooting star. The camera crew must have missed the shot because the one they show is obviously CGI. Mercedes thinks it’s a sign, “That’s the universe telling us something.” They do make a cute couple, and they both seem like genuinely nice people.

Tyler admits he was hoping to meet Mercedes in Paradise, and he’s thrilled to learn that he was Number One on her list. It was meant to be! Not only did they see the shooting star, but they also saw a raccoon, which they think is some kind of a sign. I think the raccoon is just looking for the garbage cans. They’re cute, but they’re pests. They can also carry rabies, so don’t try to pet him. They bite.

Tyler leans in for a kiss, and the Disney music swells, as poor Will walks the beach, sobbing, back in Playa Escondida. And then there’s fireworks. Olivia is giddy. She feels like she’s in a “rom-com.”

“Everything right now just seems really perfect,” Oliva says. Uh-oh. Don’t say that, Olivia. That’s really tempting fate on this show. Nothing is ever perfect.

Samantha has a serious medical issue Paul Archuleta/Getty Images

Samantha Jeffries hasn’t pooped in nine days. The doctor has been to see her and told her she has until sunrise tomorrow morning. If there’s been no action by then, she’ll have to have surgery to remove the blockage, which he called, basically a “poop baby.”

At the bar, Wells Adams attempted to “scare the crap” out of her, to no avail. “She has to evacuate her bowels or evacuate Paradise,” Wells says, “which is also the weirdest way anyone has ever left here.”

Sam and Aaron S. have been hanging out, so she pulls him aside to explain the embarrassing situation. But guess what? Aaron is a firefighter/paramedic. He’s dealt with sh*t like this before (pun intended). He’s not even phased. He tells her, “It’s not your poop baby, it’s our poop baby. I’m gonna get it out of you!”

He runs off to prepare her a meal that will move things along, so to speak. He returns with a tray of coffee, salad, shots of olive oil, taquitos, burritos, tacos, chips and refried beans, along with a big bottle of hot sauce. Yum! What a guy! They are really a cute couple. I hope they get married.

“Cheers to making sh*t happen,” he tells her. “Literally.”

Next week on Bachelor in Paradise, more men arrive. And finally, we’ll see the Paradise Truth Box, which Oliva Lewis predicts “will destroy at least one couple.” Bring it!

Bachelor in Paradise airs Thursdays at 9/8c on ABC.

TELL US – DO YOU THINK SAM WILL DELIVER HER POOP BABY IN TIME TO STAY IN PARADISE? OR WILL SHE GO HOME? IS KAT A SOCIOPATH?

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